Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. And done... That's usually where we stop on that scripture, but I urge you to keep going! The rest of this scripture has punched me in the gut with truth for sure! Let's take a look..... Psalm 115: 105- 108
105 Your word is a lamp to my feet. And a light to my path.
106 I have sworn and confirmed, that I will keep Your righteous judgments.
107 I am afflicted very much; Revive me, O Lord, according to Your word.
108 Accept, I pray, the freewill offerings of my mouth, O Lord, And teach me Your judgments.
109 My life is continually in my hand, Yet I do not forget Your law.
110 The wicked have laid a snare for me, Yet I have not strayed from Your precepts
111 Your testimonies I have taken as a heritage forever, For they are the rejoicing of my heart.
112 I have inclined my heart to perform Your statutes Forever, to the very end. See what I mean!? You now see a full picture of why it's a lamp and light to your path. Because when you are in a situation that needs HOPE, guidance, and reassurance the Word of God is your guide, to get back to the truth. Have you been there? Of course you have. I don't think I have robots reading this... You get my point. We have been in those low places where we have strayed off the beaten path. Where we've invited things into our life that have slowly dimmed the Light of God inside us. This is that prayer, scripture, firm foundation that brings us home. Let me tell you a little about a season in my life where I allowed my light to grow dim. As someone raised in the church and accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior as at young age, I had a mindset on how I believed the church or members of the church should act. When I was in leadership, the enemy decided to sweep my feet out from underneath me and test who's "light" I was following. As I look back now I know it was God showing me that my treasure was in a false light. Basically I had my hope and trust in people and not my Savior! So, yeah, I was in the middle of seeing people for who they were and it truly upset me. It was gut wrenching to see the apathy of people I called brothers and sisters. Not just apathy, it was like everyone was on this path of self promotion and not Kingdom business. I mean, I thought we were all on the same page?! I thought we were all headed the same way?! But this was far from the truth. I did what most do, I set my eyes on the ways of men and not on Jesus. I placed perfection and holiness in their hands and not seeing them as broken men in need of a Savior daily! As soon as that veil was lifted, or what seemed like being ripped off, I lost hope. Where was the church I knew existed? Where were the righteous? Why am I trying so hard to be a "good girl", when no one else was or seemed to even care?! In the crazy moment of my life, with my husband feeling the pain of this truth right along with me, I fell hard. I fell into a path of "who cares" and "If you can't beat them, join them". With self-righteousness at the reigns, I took a kamikaze dive off the path, hard. I mean if you're going to do it, do it right...right!? Masked in a women's ministry with other "broken" women I sat there in all my pity partiness and vented. Not listening to the Holy Spirit and His correction or direction. I did NOT keep His righteous judgements. AND I strayed from His precepts.
I wanted affirmation by who...MEN, I needed this ((insert eye roll)), I was owed this...right?! NOPE!! The enemy had me at the nap of the neck and was leading me further and further away from Jesus and my calling. The calling that was spoken over me from birth. It was knit in the very fiber of my being. Satan knew it...worse, I knew it. So I sat for years, nursing my wounds and digging into a hole that would only take what seemed to be a jolt of electricity to wake me up! Fast forward 3 YEARS! and my husband and I were desperately in need of a bigger house. We were growing our business and we were living in one end of our building in about 500sqft. Our oldest was well over 6 feet tall and our youngest was closing in fast. I was in my room still in a HUGE funk from the past years, and I sat on the bed and just cried! I cried and I cried!! I felt like all my hard work and all my husband's hard work was not paying off to get us in a home we desperately needed. As I sat there tears soaking my pant legs, I heard the Holy Spirit. You see, He will still talk to you even though it seems that you are far away from Him. Even though we aren't followers of His word most of the time He is ALWAYS TRUE and THE Lord of His! HE said He would never leave us nor forsake us. And in that moment I realized it. In His sweet small voice He corrected me, "Blessings don't follow disobedience". See...LIGHTING BOLT! I sat up and thought for a moment, "what?" and again "Blessings don't follow disobedience". Listen, even though I was in complete disobedience, I still knew His voice when I heard it. In that moment in my spirit it was like I could see this light in the darkness calling me closer. I started to cry harder and repented. I knew exactly what He was talking about, because He had been dealing with me over and over! God is always speaking to us, by sending little lights to help guide us back to him. It's up to us to follow it, but it is always there.
I immediately started to repent. I was in the middle of a very long heart felt prayer when He spoke again, "Blessings don't follow ungratefulness". SKERCH!!! My prayers stopped and I allowed Him to show me what he was talking about. I had not been taking care of what I DID have! Many people from all over the world would kill for what I have and I wasn't taking care of mine. I then continued my prayer, repented again for not being a good steward and got up. No more pity party. Not only did I repent for MY part in this straying off His path, but I also forgave those in my life who hurt me while on this journey. ((PLEASE GET THAT LAST PART)) To keep a very long story short, about a year after that conversation with God, a friend of our church family walked into our business and told us about a house she owned that need to be rented. It was 4x's the size of where we were! GOD IS FAITHFUL!! So very faithful! His guiding light was always there. Even though I wasn't acknowledging it, doesn't mean it wasn't there, slowly and gently calling me back to Him. For me, it took hitting the bottom. Slipping into a very dangerous path of walking away from Jesus! Lying to myself behind a false narrative of being "beautifully broken" to keep sinning. God had another plan. In His mercy and Goodness, He called me back. And in my honor to Him and humility and FULL repentance, I completely turned away from that life and RAN towards Him. When we moved into our house, I sat on the floor and just cried! Thanking Him and dedicated that house, the ministry I would use it for and my path to Him. I'll continue this on another blog, but I really wanted to encourage any of you who have strayed off the path. Allow our Heavenly Father to guide you back. Apply Verse: 111 and 112 "111. Your testimonies I have taken as a heritage forever, For they are the rejoicing of my heart.112 I have inclined my heart to perform Your statutes Forever, to the very end." Your peace of mind is there, your joy is there, your true direction is there, your calling and life is there. And once you return to His guiding light, you will be home!